What on Earth is Full Tilt?
Interesting turn of phrase. It's Marvel’s megabucks new fantasy adventure with Karen Gillan.
So, a bit like Dr Who then?
Not quite. She's bald.
Who else is in it?
Glenn Close, Zoe Saldana and apparently Vin Diesel’s voice.
Will it be any good?
Obviously too early to tell. Disney bosses are hoping it does Avengers-style box office numbers to make up for epic Lone Ranger misfire. They also hope it's nothing like John Carter. Another misfire.
Who's directing it?
He directed fun, icky B movie Slither a few years ago and comic book inspired Super.
Is he any good?
If you like fun epic B movies.
So, Full Tilt. Interesting title.
We’ll be honest. It's not actually called that.
Really? What's the real title?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
Okay. So Marvel banked millions on a movie few have any interest in?
Yes and no.
The original Guardians of the Galaxy first appeared in Marvel Super-Heroes #18 back in January 1969.
So those are the characters we see in the movie?
Major Vance Astro, Martinex T'Naga, Captain Charlie-27, and Yondu Udonta?
No. This is based on a revamped version from a few years ago, though we imagine there will be the odd in joke for fans of the original.
So why make a film now?
Avengers proved that space fantasy puts bums on seats in the Marvel universe. And there's less expectation. If it fails, Marvel may blame a lack of audience recognition in the brand and press on with another safe Spider-Man movie after Amazing Spider-Man 2, before rebooting that again.
Will GoG be connected to Avengers?
Yes. Zoe Saldana's character is apparently related to Thanos.
That purple alien in the closing credits of Joss Whedon's movie that some of the fan boys and girls pretended they knew but didn't.
Why are exotic looking people running across the Millennium Bridge?
We guess its because they're on the run from bad guys.
Not because they're fans of that Harry Potter movie featuring the same bridge?
No. Though maybe they are. We don't know what they watch on their planet.
Will Galaxy chocolate feature in the movie?
We doubt it.
Will a clip be featured in one of those ’cookies’ I sit through the endless credits for.
Possibly Thor: The Dark World or Captain America: Winter Soldier.
Is this the film with a Raccoon character in it?
Sounds a bit daft doesn't it?
Hey, it's a comic book movie. You know, for kids.
Yes, but even so. Is it aimed at five-year-olds?
No. Though we imagine they want to see it.
Can we expect a load more ’out there’ Marvel movies?
Possibly. Now that Iron Man, Spider-Man, Thor and Cap have proved bankable commodities, Marvel are taking a few risks with lesser known material.
So things like classic comics Doctor Strange and a Silver Surfer movie?
We can but hope.
And a proper Fantastic Four film?
Hopefully. That's being rebooted now.
And Howard the Duck?
Don't hold your breath.
Who plays who?
Chris Pratt: Peter Quill/Star-Lord.
Zoe Saldana: Gamora, adopted daughter of Thanos.
Dave Bautista: Drax the Destroyer.
Lee Pace: Ronan the Accuser.
Michael Rooker: Yondu.
Karen Gillan: Nebula.
Benicio del Toro: The Collector.
John C. Reilly: Rhomann Dey.
Glenn Close: Nova Prime.
Now I know all this, will The Big Bang Theory make lots of hip cross references?
Doubtful. Unless Guardians was a DC Comic.
Can I see a clip?
Sure, go here:
August 11, 2013, Millennium Bridge London.
If you liked the sight of Millennium Bridge under attack from Dementors, then watch and Marvel as lots of worried folks run across it for their 2014 blockbuster Guardians of the Galaxy.
No sign of a bald Karen Gillan alas.