Thursday, 31 October 2013
A bearded hero with a magical weapon on a planet of noble warriors clashes with an army of masked, laser-blasting invaders.
Thirty years ago Krull, a British mash-up of sub-Tolkien mythology and Star Wars-style effects was launched on an unsuspecting world.
Alas, the hero was rather bland, the cheap effects a bit rubbish (even for ’83), and the likes of pre-Eastenders Todd Carty, post-Carry On Bernard Bresslaw and a badly dubbed Lysette Anthony failed to make the project fly.
Fast forward to now, and in Thor: the Dark World, a bearded hero with a magical hammer on a planet of noble warriors clashes with an army of masked, laser-blasting invaders. Only this time Marvel (with a far greater budget admittedly) hit the blockbuster nail squarely on the head.
Chris Hemsworth is so perfectly cast as the eponymous Asgardian warrior it's hard to imagine anyone else filling those boots. The slightest smirk creates screen gold. (The god of thunder and charisma might be more on the money).
With a snazzy new Marvel logo, Thor 2 hits the ground running with an epic battle, and escalates from there.
Fans of the original should revel in the scale; director Alan Taylor exploits the skills learned on Game of Thrones to craft a 12A-friendly epic, hammering the various plot strands together to form a fun, frantic, dark, occasionally moving yarn.
Anthony Hopkins can be annoying when phoning in his performances, but here adds gravitas as Odin; ’One Broke Scientist’ Kat Dennings delivers comic relief as Natalie Portman's sexy assistant Darcy; Idris Elba is given more screen time as gate keeper Helmdal, and the Warriors Three also return from film one.
As ever, Tom Hiddleston chews chunks of scenery as Loki; aside from Robert Downey Jnr’s Tony Stark, few actors are as funny or mischievous in the Marvel universe.
(A Thor movie without Loki is as pointless as a Spider Man flick without Peter Parker).
Rounding out the regulars are Stellan Skargard as boffin Erik Selvig, still a bit bonkers after being possessed in Avengers.
Christopher Eccleston is on good form as the malevolent big bad Malekith, spouting Elvish dialogue, while his ship is gloriously ominous and aptly hammer-like.
Assembling the multi-film plot strands from Thor and Assemble, this is huge fun.
There's little doubt Marvel have mastered the modern blockbuster, melding great heroes, villains and effects with the brio of the original Star Wars and JJ’s Star Trek.
Okay, Thor 2.0 is not perfect. Portman looks gorgeous, but her character is too wholesome and sadly a bit dull. Maybe thunder-wielding Gods need partners that are safe and yawnsome.
I'd rather have seen Thor romance Darcy or Asgard squeeze Sif. (The latter’s sub-plot sadly goes nowhere fast, but may pay off in Thor 3).
However, seen at midnight in 3D D-Box, TTDW was a pre-Hallowe’en treat.
It also made me delighted that as a forty something, I lived long enough to see the comic heroes of my youth given the big screen epics they deserve.
Stay tuned for a couple of cracking credit cookies; the final one is rewarding and hilarious.
Roll on Captain America: Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man, and let's hope we don't have to wait an age for the inevitable Dr Strange, Sub-Mariner and Silver Surfer movie.
Tuesday, 29 October 2013
I had no burning desire to see Escape Plan, the new action thriller starring Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
However, when it's your day off and it looks like the best thing on offer at your local multiplex, it may as well be worth a look.
The fact I read the timing wrong, and thought it was supposed to start half an hour before it did, made me think I'll watch something else instead.
However, the rather enthusiastic, animated Cineworld employee was so enthusiastic about the movie, I thought I'll hang around for half an hour and give it the benefit of the doubt.
I'm glad I did.
In the first 20 minutes, we are asked to believe that Sly is an expert on prison security.
He tests the integrity of prisons by becoming an inmate and then attempts to break out, thereby exposing any weakness in the security.
More often than not he succeeds, and gets a big fat pay cheque.
However, when he is asked to test out a new maximum security stockade, Sly can't resist, and soon regrets it.
The tracker planted inside him is soon removed, and Sly loses contact with his colleagues in the outside world.
(Let's face it, it wouldn't be much of a movie if he managed to break out in the next 10 minutes).
Sly soon incurs wrath of psycho prison warden (there is always one) Jim Caviezel and his right-hand man/henchman Vinnie Jones.
(I fear we'll have a long wait to see Vinnie play Hamlet, but when it comes to playing psycho thugs, Jones is in a league of his own).
While making assorted enemies on the inside, Sly befriends unhinged Austrian Arnie.
Schwarzenegger has a ball with this movie. Whether ranting in his native language, or coming out with some salty, over the top one-liners, he is clearly better as a supporting actor these days than carrying his own film. Maybe he should keep the goatee, as it's a fine facial addition to the Austrian Oak.
For the first two thirds, Escape Plan is great fun. The one thing that's missing is the generic shoot out we have come to expect from two of the biggest stars of 80s action cinema.
In fact, the lack of gunfire is rather welcome.
So by the time the third act kicks in, the director resorts to type by giving Sly and Arnie high powered weapons, and resorting to the usual cliches of shootouts, gunfire and witty epithets when villains are dispatched.
Escape Plan, previously named The Tomb, might not be the sort of film you're desperate to rush out and see on day one. However, when it’s released on Blu-ray chances are it will shift truckloads of units.
(The fact I have been quoting one of Arnie's one-liners all week, is testament to the fact it's great fun).
The leads won't win any Oscars for Best Actors, and the script won't win Best Screenplay, but who cares?
For those of us weaned on First Blood and The Terminator, this is a must see, whether on the biggest screen possible, or on your TV in a a few weeks’ time.
Let’s hope the pumped up pensioners return soon, maybe in a comedy remake of The Sunshine Boys or Grumpy Old Men.
Pension Plan wouldn't be too bad a title.
Saturday, 26 October 2013
Arguably the weakest link is Harrison Ford as gruff seasoned military man, Hyrum Graff. He sounds laboured as he reads the dialogue, like he has little faith in the material, or is wondering what time he can wrap up shooting so he can have his dinner. Yes, he probably had the same demeanour shooting Star Wars in the mid 1970s, but here he lacks the charisma of Han Solo.
Friday, 25 October 2013
"I wanted to do a series about the experience of the war; the home front during the war; the war economy of the five great combatant nations and so on and so forth. I wanted a little leeway (with the show) not to have to depend every week on bombs and guns and tanks and so on."
"The idea that I might have to tell Laurence Olivier that he was fired was a bit much for me to take on".
Wednesday, 9 October 2013
The first time I went to Orlando, I thought a £200 flight from London was incredible.
That was 11 years ago, and inflation means prices get a lot more expensive.
But thankfully not by much it seems.
With my last week’s holiday of 2013 looming and a desire not to waste it, I managed to land a round trip to Sanford, Florida for £268.
Not only that it was on Thomson’s new Dreamliner, complete with tinted windows, ambient lighting and extra legroom.
£134 to go 4,000 miles in relative comfort? That's what I call a bargain. (In case you're wondering, said travel company didn't pay a penny towards my trip).
Grand Floridian, Orlando; pic: Roger Crow
There's little wonder Orlando is one of the most popular travel destinations for Brits. The sunshine is a natural attraction, as is the endless array of restaurants and events. If you’re one of the thousands of repeat visitors that yo-yo between Blighty and the Sunshine State each year, then this is hardly a revelation.
However, if you have yet to take the plunge, here's the lowdown on the top attractions at Walt Disney World at the moment.
Shopping, Dining and Movies
Downtown Disney is a great destination for shopping and dining. For me the heart was removed when Virgin closed their megastore a few years ago. However, with a new bowling alley and dining section, among many other fine shops and attractions, things are looking up.
The AMC cinema is also a great diversion, especially if you go early.
I saw new Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie Don Jon for seven dollars (about four quid), and Gravity (in 3D with state of the art ETX sound) for 12. Plush seats are a bonus, as is the fact you can dine and watch a film should you want to.
Breakfast at The Earl of Sandwich kept me going until a blowout at Planet Hollywood - glorious burger, fries and milk shake for 25 dollars.
(I spent much of my trip existing on one meal a day. Given notoriously large American portions, that's all you need).
Getting around Disney World can be an ordeal if you don't drive. So it's a good job the fleet of courtesy buses can whip you from your resort hotel to Downtown Disney in next to no time.
Okay, you may be miffed if you're staying at the Grand Floridian and every bus seems to be for Typhoon Lagoon, but that's the same with any queue. The other line always moves faster.
The Best Hotel in Orlando?
’My’ hotel is easily the best hotel on Disney property in terms of elegance. It's the Ritz of Mouseland, and even if the cost takes your breath away, it's worth having a look round during a Monorail trip from neighbouring residences such as Contemporary or Polynesian Resorts.
Magic Kingdom is still the jewel in the crown of Disney's Floridian theme park empire. It's not my favourite, probably because I'm not a five-year-old kid or their doting parent, but there's enough other stuff to entertain, from gravity-bothering Splash Mountain, to the Monsters Inc interactive stand-up show, a state-of-the-art, fun attraction utilising the same ’magic’ as other interactive chats with CG turtle Crush, as featured elsewhere in Disney World, and on their newer cruise liners.
Nightly fireworks displays are always a treat, though there are times when it's so loud it sounds like an attack on the Death Star. Hey, I'm of that age.
Pirates of the Caribbean might be one of Disney’s oldest attractions, but despite the addition of Johnny Depp's rogue buccaneer Jack Sparrow over the past decade, it feels in need of a spruce-up, even if it's just that mangy old dog holding the keys.
However, it's still a superb way to spend a few minutes, and for me a lot more entertaining than the later Pirates movies.
Animal Kingdom shows little sign of losing its appeal. Crowd pleasers such as Expedition Everest continue to have a magnetic pull for punters, though having done the roller coaster a few times, I opted for Finding Nemo: The Musical instead.
For the most part it's good fun, with some catchy numbers and likeable characters, though there is a disconnect between the sub-aquatic protagonists and the puppeteers/singers.
I spent too long looking at the performers and not enough at the characters. Maybe if the singers had worn black body stockings against black backgrounds the illusion would have worked.
Not that the auditorium full of kids, families and pensioners seemed to mind, though the very young were wailing at the loud noises and scenes of mild fish-based peril.
Animal Kingdom's jungle trek safari is still good fun, though a sub-plot involved a disembodied radio voice seeking help was omitted from our version.
Maybe the poaching storyline had worn thin in this well meaning Africa-style tour.
After several trips over the years, it still proves compelling entertainment, not least because of the exotic wildlife. (No, not the pasty faced ones who had been flash-burned because they overdid it on day one).
One of my favourite elements of Disney is Epcot. Whether wandering around its World Showcase, or riding on the ever popular hang glider simulator Soarin’, this is the theme park for more mature fans. Yes, the kids will love it, but for those who prefer to take things a little easier, this is the place to be.
And if you come in the autumn/fall, the Food and Wine Festival is a must. Pottering around the World Showcase snacking on nibbles from assorted countries, or sampling their tipples, you'll have a great time.
(I went three nights running and it felt like a different experience each time).
The fact some great bands play the Eat to the Beat area gives it that extra something. For half an hour with some good friends, a frozen Margarita and the stunningly good Air Supply, I was in heaven.
I'd sampled assorted Floridian water parks over the years, but Typhoon Lagoon was a first, and it soon became a ’new’ favourite.
Whether relaxing on loungers at the artificial beach, or catching my breath in the lazy river, it was a great way to spend a few hours.
I also enjoyed one of the best hot dogs of my life.
The fact our sun loungers didn't adjust was a pain, but it scarcely mattered.
I was stunned by the quality of service at the Grand Floridian. Not just the hotel itself, with comfy beds (as standard with every Disney hotel and cruise I've stayed on), but the extra mile the staff went to ensure my holiday was as good as possible, even down to the fact that when my pre-booked coach would arrive too late to get me to Sanford Airport in time, the management ensured I would get there without too much nail biting drama).
My biggest problem, aside from ensuring my 2.5kg case came in at 5kg for the return journey, is a long hard winter counting the days until I can return.
Roger Crow was a (very happy) guest of Disney's Grand Floridian Resort and Spa. Thanks for their hospitality.
Friday, 4 October 2013
A few things will happen while watching Gravity.
Your palms will become sweaty, then they'll start seeking comfort at the sides of your face. That’s possibly because your breathing will become shallow. This is not the sort of film you can ignore.
Essentially a two-hander between Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, it charts the aftermath of a disastrous space walk from their shuttle, ravaged by debris.
The opening 13 minute, one take shot is among the best ever created.
Orson Welles would have clapped; Martin Scorsese and Brian DePalma either applauded or sulked because director Alfonso Cuaron has aptly raised the bar to orbital levels.
What Bullock and Clooney do next will not be revealed here. Safe to say what unfolds during the 90 minute running time is an assault course of wires, pipes, machinery and one character's desire to survive.
The sight of Bullock floating foetus-like in a window is one of the year’s most memorable.
Sandra has been a favourite actress for 20 years, but has never looked more beautiful, possibly because she is the softest looking protagonist against a sea of tech. Her desire to survive against any odds is also a magnetic attraction.
George is also hugely appealing. His cocky, charismatic veteran astronaut is wonderfully watchable, though i imagine the endless wire work must have been a pain during the movie’s four year production.
Some films squander 3D but this makes the most of it, exploiting the medium beautifully. The sound, if heard in the right theatre, is also superb. NASA chatter adds the right audio tone from the off, while Ed Harris’ voice is a great, comforting shorthand for anyone raised on classic NASA epics The Right Stuff and Apollo 13.
Some of you may wait for Blu Ray or DVD, but this is one of those films that demands the best full-on cinema experience you can find.
Gravity is little short of a masterpiece. If Sandra Bullock doesn’t get another Oscar, and Cuaron at least a nomination for Best Director, there is going to be some serious gnashing of teeth among the movie-loving community.
See it... but don’t forget to breathe.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
White House Down won't win any Oscars or Baftas for best film. It will possibly win Razzies, but that's not to say it’s a bad film.
What it is is two hours of gloriously silly escapism. If I didn't know better I'd say director Roland Emmerich was sending up the Die Hard saga and its countless clones.
Yes, coming a few months after Olympus Has Fallen, that other Die Hard in the White House-style drama, it does look like a carbon copy, but the difference is that WHD is hugely fun and entertaining.
(For me, Gerard Butler’s movie was mean spirited and weakly scripted).
Okay, this newer epic isn't exactly Shakespeare, but it’s bursting with great one liners, such as the exchange between James Woods and a generic terrorist.
To paraphrase: “Want some cake?” Asks Woods, chomping dessert as well as scenery.
“No man. I'm diabetic.”
When's the last time in a Die Hard-style thriller you heard an exchange that gloriously flippant?
Then there’s Skip Tyler (Jimmi Simpson), assigned to hack into the White House defence system. He proves to be one of the most flamboyant antagonists, making the most of what could have been a one dimensional character.
Some supporting characters here could sustain their own short film at least, and Skip is one of them.
Channing Tatum, reminiscent of 80s-era John McClane, is fun and likeable as the similarly monikered John Cale.
Jamie Foxx lends charm and wit as the Obama in sneakers-style President James Sawyer, while solid support comes from heavyweights such as Woods (who looks like a shoo- in to play J Jonah Jameson in future Spider-Man instalments), Richard Jenkins and the ever engaging Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Okay, the special effects aren't great. One of the explosions would have looked dated in Emmerich’s 1996 classic Independence Day, which is referenced in the exposition-heavy first act.
However, all the obvious green screen work and CG crowd scenes don't get in the way of the fun.
Most of the movie looks like glorious cut scenes from a fun video game anyway.
Emmerich is a master of the action set piece, and here he's having a great time; a chase on the White House lawn has to be seen to be believed, while there's plenty of soap-style twists and turns to keep you hooked until the finale.
Remarkably I found the literally flag-waving finale moving, which is absurd considering the overall tone.
Then again, I had watched Rush a couple of hours before, so maybe that had softened me up for any sucker punch moments.
It remains to be seen whether WHD enjoys the same repeat factor as 2012 on TV, a gloriously guilty pleasure which never fails to engage me on Blu Ray.
However, on a wet Tuesday afternoon, it proved well worth the price of admission; an epic romp you laugh with instead of giggling at.
And I for one wouldn't mind seeing Tatum back for another round of terrorist-bashing adventure.
Or at least a prequel short with hacker Skip Tyler, in the style of Marvel’s One Shot films.
Alas, given the relatively poor box office returns, I get the feeling we have a long wait for any prequel or sequel.
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
I used to have a lot of time for Richard B Riddick, the gravel-voiced killer convict.
Back in 2000, Pitch Black was the surprise low-budget sci-fi thriller of the year. Nicely scripted and directed by David Twohy, it gave Vin Diesel his breakout role as RBR.
Taut, creepy, and surprisingly enjoyable, the thought of a follow-up was a tantalising prospect.
However, by 2004's The Chronicles of Riddick, it seemed too much money had been spent on special effects, mammoth sets, and gothic costumes, and not enough on Twohy's muddled script.
Despite an excellent set piece, in which the eponymous hero and his colleagues attempted to out run the lethal sunrise on a prison planet, and Judi Dench as a diaphanous alien, TCOR was a mess.
However, at least the video game was a lot of fun.
So when it was announced director and star would be re-teaming for a third chapter, I hoped it could redress the balance.
Sadly, Riddick - the movie - is a massive let down.
Despite being the ruler of an army of fearsome Necromongers (life-sapping alien bad guys from film two - who must have had a hand in the life-sapping editing), somehow Riddick is conned into leaving his empire for what is supposed to be his home world... but isn't.
Like a moist calculator, none of this adds up.
Despite his survival instincts, he thinks standing on the edge of a cliff face, like Wile E Coyote, is a good idea.
Imagine his surprise when the bad guys turn on him and one shoots the ledge so it collapses, and takes him with it.
The first third of Riddick drags like a wet bank holiday Monday, or a party political broadcast in bullet time.
Despite being stranded on a planet full of a ravenous dingo-type predators, our hero manages to fend them off, pinches one of the cubs/puppies (reminiscent of Scrappy-Doo in the Scooby-Doo live-action version), and clashes with assorted scorpion-like beasts.
Arriving at a way station with grown dingo, he activates a beacon to call for help. Only Riddick would never call for help. He's far too macho.
Act two sees the arrival of two parties of feuding Mercs, aka bounty hunters, one of who wants Riddick's head in a box, a bit like Albert Finney in Dennis Potter's swansong, Cold Lazarus. Only inanimate.
We know this because he seems to tell us every five minutes, though his accent is so thick, subtitles would have helped.
Then again, they would help with most garbled action films these days.
Most of the Mercs are generic idiots. Twohy's a natural when it comes to creating none-too-bright secondary characters, as he proved with the maddeningly overlong Waterworld in 1995.
However, there is a sub-plot involving the father of a deceased character from Pitch Black, who few fans of the original cared about, and Battlestar's Katee Sackhoff will leave Big Bang Theory followers drooling as a lesbian sniper.
Indirectly, hers is perhaps the most troublesome antagonist, largely because of the shockingly dated, homophobic reactions she causes in assorted characters, including Riddick.
Any sympathy I had for the gruff anti-hero goes out of the window with a couple of horrendous lines of dialogue.
And by the time she descends from the heavens, angel-like to rescue Riddick from swarms of lethal predators, part of me wished she'd left him to die.
Not since James Bond managed to turn Pussy Galore 50 years ago has a heroine of sorts had such a dramatic change of sexual preference.
Clearly the sight of Riddick on a rock also made her realise that sexist, murderous ex-cons are everything she's been lacking in her life - when she's not shooting their dog that is.
Made for less than $40million, Riddick is a masterpiece of economy, no doubt helped by the Star Trek TV-style sets and judicious use of Universal's props warehouse, which I was lucky enough to wander around last year.
(I'm guessing there's a few left over costumes and gizmos from TCOR and Serenity dusted down.)
Alas, some of the special effects are shockingly bad, especially during the hover bike scenes.
When are film-makers going to learn that hover bikes in fantasy movies look rubbish? See Judge Dredd and the Star Wars prequels for further proof.
Aesthetically they just look like a kid's toy bike with the wheels pulled off.
If you've been weaned on adult fantasy comics, such as Heavy Metal and Marvel's epic Illustrated, chances are you yearn to see good stories well told in exotic universes.
Riddick could have mined that rich seam of inspiration to craft something thrilling and inventive. Sadly it's just an overlong, annoying fantasy Western with a cast of mostly unlikeable characters.
Okay, it's not as bad as Diesel's previous sci-fi offering Babylon AD, but it comes close.
Elysium (this year's other hardware-centric sci-fi epic with a bald hero) may not have been perfect, but it was about something other than macho posturing and mundane alien-slaying. Twohy and Diesel could do worse than take notes if Riddick returns.
To sum it up in two words? Chronic and ridiculous.
To see this in a different way, go to
Wednesday, 4 September 2013
I've seen a lot of films this year. Blockbusters, dramas, comedies. But while I thrilled as Logan clashed with a giant android in The Wolverine; marvelled at giant robots and their pilots in Pacific Rim, and smiled at the heroes of Kick-Ass 2, I didn't empathise with any of them.
It's a study in awkwardness, and that gaping hole in a lonely teenager's life desperate to be filled by friends, if not family.
Any teen whose family has been wrecked by divorce should empathise with that huge void caused by a missing dad, brother or both. Basically it sucks, but as a teen it's hard to express how much.
When Duncan crosses paths with laid back, too-cool-for-school water park manager Owen at the local pizza diner, so begins a beautiful friendship.
Dad-free teens dream of having a mate as cool as this.
Part big brother, part surrogate father, Owen is one of the year's most beloved characters.
He has the wit and delivery of Tony Stark, and more than once I thought the sublime Sam Rockwell must be a shoo-in for the part if Robert Downey Jnr either prices himself out of the part or, heaven forbid, retires.
I tired of Rash and Faxon-scripted The Descendants, but here they hit a home run.
The glorious New England backdrops don't hurt a bit either, and by the third act we feel we've breathed the same air as these characters.
Like Life of Pi, The Way, Way Back is that rare film which gets under the skin and lingers for days after.
Some films, like You're Next (which I saw immediately beforehand) aren't worth the price of admission, but for me this made up for it.
It may not have had the tent pole budget of Iron Man 3 or Star Trek Into Darkness, but this mines a richer seam of humour and drama that should touch a chord with teens and forty somethings alike.