Saturday, 12 May 2012

The Three Musketeers review

For anybody who wonders if we really need another film version of Alexandre Dumas’ much reworked tale of daring swordsmen and a brash young hero, Paul WS Anderson’s recent adaptation is proof that we really don't.

When you spend more time looking at the lavish sets and costumes than you do caring a jot about any of the characters you know there's a major problem.

Logan Lerman’s D’Artagnan is pretty annoying, not least because of his American-accent; Orlando Bloom gives one of the worst perfomances of any actor in recent years, and Milla Jovovich’s Milady may look gorgeous and scheming, but her gravity defying stunts are as thrilling as root canal surgery. Sorry Milla. I've seen this all before in your dreadful Resident Evil movies, and yes they may have made millions of dollars, but so have the makers of drain cleaner, and i wouldn't want to spend 100 minutes staring at a bottle of that either.

One of the few saving graces is James Corden, clearly channelling Roy Kinnear from Richard Lester's classic 70s Musketeer movies. (I know they made one at the end of the 80s, but that's pretty forgettable).

The finale is as deflated as one of the airship's torn canopies (why the enemy didn't shoot our heroes' own canopy straight away is anyone's guess).

Truth is the alluded to sequel is not a tempting prospect, unless Bloom either takes some serious acting lessons or his character dies 10 seconds in.

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