Transformers. The age of extinction review

"It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever..."

Thirty years ago, Kyle Reese offered those words of warning to heroine Sarah Connor in James Cameron's iconic sleeper hit The Terminator.

Having endured the fourth movie in Michael Bay's Transformers saga, it seems an apt description for a cast iron money-making machine.

The film series can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't fear critics, or logic. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you, dear film goer, stop (paying).

I've sat through the previous movies and was lucky enough to attend the LA premiere ofTransformers: The Ride, so more due to needing a rainy day movie than any desire, I settled down for Bay's latest slice of formulaic adventure.

The usual sights and sounds abounded.

• Heroes running away from huge explosions in slow motion.
• Uber photogenic pouty heroine in short shorts being ogled by the camera.
• Robots ripping each other apart in slow motion.
• Robots transforming to deliver a bit of exposition.
• Characters stating the obvious before enacting said dialogue. "We've got to lose them in this corn field", before, er, motoring through a corn field to try and lose the villains.
• Cool sound effects, with the exception of Mark Wahlberg's laser gun, which sounded like an asthmatic penguin.
• Bay reworking the Armageddon sub-plot - over protective father warming to his prospective son-in-law after bonding over death-defying extra terrestrial threat.
• A seemingly endless final battle so long some punters staggered from the cinema like they'd been stuck on a transatlantic flight.
• A couple of great character actors (Kelsey Grammer and Stanley Tucci) possibly thinking of the cash while adding some depth to the lightweight plot.
• Comedy characters slotted in to add some levity to the explosions. In this case a chubby Jurassic Park/Dennis Nedry-style Brit boffin. Fat guys. Always funny in Producer Steven Spielberg's world.
• Oh, and Optimus Prime's recurring monologues about nobility... having wrecked a couple of major cities. In one scene he rides a Dinobot through a small Chinese wall, despite the fact he could have leapt it or gone round it.

Ah yes. The Dinobots and China. Kids love dinosaurs and robots, so it was a no-brainer we'd get those toys making an appearance in the franchise at some point. 
And with China being such a lucrative market, a third act which sees most of the country levelled was a smart move to keep those overseas cash tills ringing.

The Transformers Ride launch, Universal, LA

How does it rank against the other three films? Well it's possibly the best TF movie since the 2007 original. Long, yes; occasionally incoherent, (Mark Wahlberg seems to ignore full stops in his script), and it features some awful CGI - the enemy robots are made from gravity-defying blocks that appear to have no weight or heft, making them look like a bad video game cut scene.

However, as epic cinema goes, it was never dull. Irritating at times, especially during those obligatory Bay sunset scenes and the attention deficit disorder shots which cut every few seconds. 
(The obsession with super cars was like a feature-length Top Gear challenge, only without the wit. 
Only in a Michael Bay film can a Bugatti Veyron look mundane because of all the other super cars on show).

However, compared to Transformers 2 and 3, this was a slight improvement. A little like a (robot) bull in a slightly classier China shop.

Under the Skin The Review

How much exposition do you need in a film? Those clunky scenes when characters discuss plot, stitching Scene A to Scene B? Obviously film is a visual medium, so in theory nobody needs say anything. 

In Under the Skin, director Jonathan Glazer decides less is definitely more, keeping dialogue to a minimum as Scarlett Johansson’s alluring alien arrives in Scotland and begins patrolling the streets for men. 

In short, it’s Species with A-levels. 

There are bound to be comparisons with Nic Roeg’s the Man Who Fell to Earth, the last time an intelligent, erotic, surreal study of an alien’s arrival on Earth made such an impact. That was almost 40 years ago. 

Since then we've had plenty of alien visitor movies, but many were teen-friendly offerings designed to make pots of cash or satires such as Brother From Another Planet and Morons From Outer Space. 

Glazer had spent a decade developing the movie, distilling the source novel down to its purest form. And the result is disturbing, mesmerising and unforgettable. 

Johansson is terrific in one of the boldest roles of her career. Initially a predatory, blank avatar unaffected by empathy, her visitor merely exists to trap men and use them.

’Why’ would be spoilerific. 

How she does it is part Hellraiser; asking guys back to her dingy house where they are understandably seduced, and then live to regret it. 

Through it all the soundtrack throbs and pulses. The camera largely taking a back seat as we watch the visitor watching the locals, searching for her next target. 

It's as voyeuristic as Rear Window or Blue Velvet, and just as compelling. 

Arguably the best scene involves a loner with “nice hands”, as affecting as anything you've seen all year. It's at this point Johansson’s lethal ET starts to gain a degree of humanity. 

Yes, I could describe more of the plot, who the nice handed character is, and lots more, but better to let the movie wash over you. 

UTS is a haunting, waking dream of a movie. It may have made a modest impact at the cinema, grossing a couple of million dollars in the States alone, but given the limited number of screens it played on, and the arty sensibilities, there's perhaps little wonder. 

Like all cult films, it will prove far more indelible than tent pole movies which dominate the opening weekend box office then vanish without a trace. 

Hopefully we won't have to wait another decade for Glazer’s follow up. He's too great a talent to languish in whatever limbo space ScarJo’s alien was born from. 

 

22 Jump Street. The review

The beauty of 21 Jump Street was it was a movie version of a TV series hardly anyone was desperate to see. 

The only place it could go was up, and was surprisingly hilarious.

So at the start of the sequel, 22 Jump Street, we wonder how much comedy is left to mine from that seam of TV-inspired nostalgia.

Surprisingly there's plenty, not least because the knowing script is happy to poke fun at the fact it's exactly the same plot, only this time set at college instead of school.

Once more, dream team Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are superb as the old school enemies turned rookie cop mates.

In a thrilling opener reminiscent of Beverly Hills Cop, Morton Schmidt (Hill) and Greg Jenko (Tatum) pursue a group of drug dealers led by Ghost (Peter Stormare). 
A truck chase that is both exciting and funny is rare, and this is both.

They fail in spectacular fashion, so Deputy Chief Hardy (the ever brilliant Nick Offerman)sends our heroes across the street to work for Captain Dickson (Ice Cube). Their mission: go undercover as college students and find the drug supplier of "WHYPHY" which killed a student who apparently bought it on campus.

Jenko befriends football players Zook (Wyatt Russell) and Rooster (Jimmy Tatro), while Schmidt falls for art student, Maya (Amber Stevens), much to the annoyance of her grumpy roommate Mercedes (Jillian Bell).

To reveal much more would be spoilerific. Safe to say, nothing is as it seems on campus; there are red herrings aplenty, one literal, while the comic timing is superb.

Having seen it after the woeful A Million Ways To Die in the West, which is often cruel and leaden in its delivery, there's a joy to the energy here.

The film-makers treat the audience with a degree of respect, and even though many of the gags seemed to go over the heads of many teenage cinema goers, for a fan of meta comedy such as Mike Myers' finest works, this was like catnip.

Hill may have dropped the ball with some comedies over the years (The Watch for example), but following his superb turn in The Wolf of Wall Street, here he's terrific as the likeable co-lead, the yin to Tatum's nice but dim yang, Jenko. 
The latter is happy to send himself up, not least with a great in-joke about the wonderfully silly White House Down, while his eventual reaction to a character (spoiler) half way through is comedy gold.

He also looks superb in the breathless action scenes, running, jumping, brawling. Okay, Hillmay be the star when they tour the interview circuit, but Tatum is a genuine movie star when it counts.

This may be a lads' comedy, but the two female co-stars, Amber Stevens and Jillian Bell, are brilliant: the former an even cuter, younger Zoe Saldana-alike; the latter a funnier, youngerMelissa McCarthy-alike. If there's any justice both will be in a possible 23 Jump Street and no doubt plenty of other Hollywood offerings in the coming years.

Superbly helmed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, two of THE most reliable comedy directors working today, this is the perfect antidote to any spring or summertime blues.

Recommended.

 

Follow Roger Crow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RogerCrow

The Edge of Tomorrow - The Review

The Edge of Tomorrow - The Review

For 30 years I've loved The Twilight Zone, a passion rekindled recently with the Blu ray box set. 

Those relatively cheap black and white dramas, many penned by Rod Serling, were either 30 or 60 minute ’what if?’ dramas. They created great premises for broader canvases, bigger budget, big screen offerings, some of which (Real Steel) were turned into A-list epics. 

The Edge of Tomorrow could have been another of Serling’s mini masterpieces, the ’what if’ tale of a soldier resurrected to fight an alien war on Earth. 

In this case Tom Cruise is William Cage, the cocky PR man railroaded to fight against an extra-terrestrial enemy. However, his unit is decimated in a Saving Private Ryan-style attack in Normandy, and Cage wakes up a few hours earlier to live the day over and hopefully glean enough information to defeat the enemy. 

Yes, it's a video game-style premise with Cage’s seemingly unlimited lives a handy perk as he tries to level up.

He's helped by Rita Vrataski (Emily Blunt), the poster girl warrior who may or may not know more about Cage’s condition than he first thinks. 

What follows, for the first two thirds at least, is a snappily paced mix of Groundhog Day, Starship Troopers, Aliens and The Matrix, as our heroes fight whizzing, murderous creatures with the aid of clunky exo-suits. 

At one point Cage’s automated metal skeleton runs out of energy and powers down. He steps from it and leaves it standing, an empty shell. And for me that is the third act. 

Whatever wonderful ’story battery’ powered this multi-million dollar vehicle simply runs out of energy and becomes a generic, by-the-numbers adventure, hampered by the same murky, digitally graded darkness that plagued X-Men: Days of Future Past, and Hunger Games 2. 

I'm so bored of action scenes taking place in darkness, especially when the antagonists are so abstract. 

Through it all, Cruise is his usual committed self, but Blunt steals the show as the fearless posh trooper, who lights up every scene she's in. 

In a nice nod to Aliens, Bill Paxton is the gruff Sergeant Farell, commanding his drop ship troops. The scope of the movie is impressive, and director Doug Liman handles the action with flair, but the ghosts of Mr and Mrs Smith and Jumper’s humdrum finales return to haunt us. 

Whether by design or accident there is a feeling we've been here before with Tom’s earlier work, notably Minority Report (outwitting the enemy with pre-emptive moves) or last year’s elegant but sterile Oblivion (hero attempts to destroy big alien brain intelligence thing and wipe out enemy forces in one fell swoop. Smart move, but yawnsomely predictable.) 

Sadly the final scenes are also a let down, as are the closing titles. Recent Marvel offerings Iron Man, Avengers Assemble and Thor: The Dark World have offered stylish, engaging credits, but EOT looks like it was created a decade ago with a generic closing song and a feeling that the budget had all been spent by the time those last bits had to be tagged on. 

I really wanted to like Tom’s latest. I adore his positivity and enthusiasm for big crowd pleasers like this, but feel that when you strip away the shell of the movie, you're left with a sub-standard Twilight Zone episode with a rubbish pay-off. 

A real shame. 

Transcendence. The review.

I wanted to like Transcendence more than I did.

The directorial debut of Christopher Nolan's favourite cinematographer, Wally Pfister, it boasted a top drawer cast and a great idea.

After all, any movie with Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy and Paul Bettany have to be worth a look, didn't it?

The tale of an assassinated computer genius who becomes a digital avatar/Godlike figure was pretty heady stuff. But while the tale unfolded intriguingly, it went nowhere fast.

Too many tracking shots of solar panels does not a great thriller make.

The special effects are pretty good, the performances are all top-notch and the script isn't bad either.

While I am all for sci-fi thrillers that are more cerebral than explosive, this was anti-climactic.

And that may be the main reason it underperformed in the states.

It's bound to attract a cult following on DVD and Blu-ray, but I doubt many people will be desperate for a second viewing on the big screen.

The Tom Cruise Effect

The other week I was lucky enough to attend the Empire awards.

A galaxy of stars were in attendance, as you might imagine, and some of my favourite actors and film makers got the plaudits they richly deserved.

Having dinner on the next table to Emma Thompson and Stephen Fry would have been amazing enough, but there were so many highs on that evening, it's hard to pick the favourite moment.

James Nesbitt's opening number was superb; Simon Pegg humble speech was emotional; Arnold Schwarzenegger was genuinely hilarious as he popped in, picked up an award and cleared off, and I was thrilled to see James McAvoy pick up a gong for his superb work on the movie Filth.

And then I met Tom Cruise.

           

Rather aptly, Professor Brian Cox was on stage to award to a gong for Gravity, but I would have been fascinated to see what he thought of the Cruise effect.

There are stars, there are super novas (which burn twice as bright and last half as long) and then there is the black hole that is Tom.

Toward the end of the night I watched from a distance as what seemed like whole room gravitated towards him, desperate to have their photo taken with the man himself.

Personally, I just wanted to shake his hand, and say thanks for a lifetime worth of blockbuster movies.

A photo would have been the icing on the cake. 

If there's one billing that summed him up, it would be:

Tom Cruise: Legend. 

That may have been a rare flop, but it seems to have summed up his entire career.

So, as he filed past, I half expected he’d ignore me. 

Thankfully, Cruise is not one of those blokes.

As you’ll have seen from his many hours spent signing autographs, taking phone calls and having photos taken outside movie premieres, he's all about the fans.

I reached out a hand behind a line of security guards and fully expected he’d ignore me. 

After all, I was just another nameless journalist who just happened to have spent 30 years watching, loving, being thrilled by his movies. 

I was the guy who was so excited about Legend, I made myself Ill on that opening night (and saw it twice in a week). 

I was the guy who was there on the opening night of Top Gun at my local flea pit, when a mate and his girlfriend fell out and left 10 minutes in. 

I was the guy, like millions of others, who spent months and years paying and queuing in the rain (before multiplexes) to (aptly) see Rain Man (twice), and Days of Thunder (couldn't get in - saw Spaced Invaders instead, which was awful). 

And then I landed a job writing about films, and was still paying to see Mission: Impossible, Interview with the Vampire (twice), Eyes Wide Shut, Mission: Impossible 2 (twice), Magnolia and all those other amazing, occasionally disappointing (Rock of Ages) movies. 

I spent years interviewing his colleagues, such as Joe Pantoliano (Risky Business) and Simon Pegg, asking about whether Tom was as cool as he seemed or if he had a secret plan for world domination. 

No, he really was that cool. 

On the night of the Empires I could see why Cruise and Pegg were best mates. Both loved movies, both loved each other’s work, and both loved working with JJ Abrams, who later presented an award. 

Being a journalist it's seen as uncool to express too much emotion towards stars, but a degree of professional, mutual respect is fine. 

So I kept my cool... and then Tom shook my hand. 

It wasn't one of those ’Oh another random handshake, I wonder what's for dinner, mind on other things’ handshake. 

Tom Cruise was interested, committed to the moment 100 per cent, and when I babbled “Cheers Tom” he was genuinely grateful. 

For those five seconds I was the most important person in the room, and that is Cruise’s greatest skill.

To take a genuine interest in a stranger, albeit for a few seconds, is impressive.

There are great actors who may be awkward if you chat to them, and then there are megastars who earn every penny.

No prizes for guessing which camp Tom falls into. As he filed out of the hall, he was taking an age with the fans begging for selfies. 

I know it's not cool to like Tom in some circles. He's just a bit too successful for some Brits. We like to keep stars in check, build them up when they're on the rise to stardom and then melt their Icarus wings if they get too close to the sun. 

But that's Blighty for you. Cynical, wary of success because it's an alien concept.

We know where we are with failure. It's reassuring and comforting every time we fall, like a blanket. 

Movie stars tell us through screens that for two hours at a time you can forget reality and lose yourself in dreams. And if you work hard and mix in the right circles, you can reach dizzy heights and bask in the sun, even if you fly too close to it. 

So there you go. Thirty years of watching Cruise on screen, 23 years writing about him condensed into five seconds of thanks in one hand shake. 

Cheers Tom. 

Captain America: the Winter Soldier Review

Given the advanced reviews for Captain America: the Winter Soldier, I expected it was going to be one of the best Marvel films so far.

Maybe because I had just sat through Martin Scorsese's three-hour epic The Wolf of Wall Street, or maybe because the premiere was at midnight, but the sequel didn't grab me as much as I wanted it to.

It certainly ticks all the boxes when it comes to epic set pieces and impressive visuals. Alas, after a while I tired of the blurry hand-to-hand combat, and was a little bored during the third act, which felt too much like the deafening heli-carrier battle from Avengers Assemble.
(My spellcheck aptly changed that to 'headache' carrier.)

Okay, there is much to admire about Joe and Anthony Russo's film. The shadowy Three Days of the Condor/Jason Bourne style-plot marked a welcome change for a superhero epic.
But the sight of Robert Redford, with that extraordinary hair, giving a rather lacklustre performance, left me colder than Christmas.

Chris Evans is good, not great as Steve Rogers; Scarlett Johannson sexier than ever asNatasha Romanov, and Samuel L Jackson on good form as Nick Fury, as usual.
(Fans of SLJ's work will spot a nice little in-joke during a graveyard scene).

There are also good support turns from Jenny Agutter and Colbie Smulders, but it's just a pity that Neighbours veteran Alan Dale pops up and spoils any tension as a World Council member.

I did get a frisson of excitement like a child on Christmas morning when Steve and Nickentered a hangar with heli-carriers, but for me there were none of those moments like in the first film when I was moved as selfless Steve threw himself on a grenade.

In a previous blog, I said the problem with Capt America is partly down to Chris Evans. He hasn't got the acting chops to carry a film of the scale, but having seen the film the key problem is the fact that Cap is just not that great a hero. A little too goody goody for my tastes, and although he acts as a great foil for warriors like Iron Man and Thor, as the star of his own show he is a little disappointing.

One great addition to the Marvel universe is Anthony Mackie's Falcon. As a fan of the Capt America comics, it was great to see this iconic supporting character finally given his big screen chance.
Admittedly, some of his aerial action scenes tended to grate a little after a while, but Mackieis a great actor and I wouldn't mind seeing him in the upcoming Avengers: Age of Ultron or the inevitable Cap 3.

Stay tuned for the inevitable credits teaser for one of the next big Marvel films and some rather cool closing titles.
It's certainly not the worst film you'll see all year, but it could have been so much better.

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Thor: the Dark World review

A bearded hero with a magical weapon on a planet of noble warriors clashes with an army of masked, laser-blasting invaders. 

Thirty years ago Krull, a British mash-up of sub-Tolkien mythology and Star Wars-style effects was launched on an unsuspecting world. 

Alas, the hero was rather bland, the cheap effects a bit rubbish (even for ’83), and the likes of pre-Eastenders Todd Carty, post-Carry On Bernard Bresslaw and a badly dubbed Lysette Anthony failed to make the project fly. 

Fast forward to now, and in Thor: the Dark World, a bearded hero with a magical hammer on a planet of noble warriors clashes with an army of masked, laser-blasting invaders. Only this time Marvel (with a far greater budget admittedly) hit the blockbuster nail squarely on the head.  

Chris Hemsworth is so perfectly cast as the eponymous Asgardian warrior it's hard to imagine anyone else filling those boots. The slightest smirk creates screen gold. (The god of thunder and charisma might be more on the money). 

With a snazzy new Marvel logo, Thor 2 hits the ground running with an epic battle, and escalates from there. 

Fans of the original should revel in the scale; director Alan Taylor exploits the skills learned on Game of Thrones to craft a 12A-friendly epic, hammering the various plot strands together to form a fun, frantic, dark, occasionally moving yarn. 

Anthony Hopkins can be annoying when phoning in his performances, but here adds gravitas as Odin; ’One Broke Scientist’ Kat Dennings delivers comic relief as Natalie Portman's sexy assistant Darcy; Idris Elba is given more screen time as gate keeper Helmdal, and the Warriors Three also return from film one.

As ever, Tom Hiddleston chews chunks of scenery as Loki; aside from Robert Downey Jnr’s Tony Stark, few actors are as funny or mischievous in the Marvel universe. 

(A Thor movie without Loki is as pointless as a Spider Man flick without Peter Parker). 

Rounding out the regulars are Stellan Skargard as boffin Erik Selvig, still a bit bonkers after being possessed in Avengers. 

Christopher Eccleston is on good form as the malevolent big bad Malekith, spouting Elvish dialogue, while his ship is gloriously ominous and aptly hammer-like. 

Assembling the multi-film plot strands from Thor and Assemble, this is huge fun. 

There's little doubt Marvel have mastered the modern blockbuster, melding great heroes, villains and effects with the brio of the original Star Wars and JJ’s Star Trek. 

Okay, Thor 2.0 is not perfect. Portman looks gorgeous, but her character is too wholesome and sadly a bit dull. Maybe thunder-wielding Gods need partners that are safe and yawnsome. 

I'd rather have seen Thor romance Darcy or Asgard squeeze Sif. (The latter’s sub-plot sadly goes nowhere fast, but may pay off in Thor 3). 

However, seen at midnight in 3D D-Box, TTDW was a pre-Hallowe’en treat. 

It also made me delighted that as a forty something, I lived long enough to see the comic heroes of my youth given the big screen epics they deserve.

Stay tuned for a couple of cracking credit cookies; the final one is rewarding and hilarious. 

Roll on Captain America: Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man, and let's hope we don't have to wait an age for the inevitable Dr Strange, Sub-Mariner and Silver Surfer movie. 

 

The Way, Way Back - The Review

I've seen a lot of films this year. Blockbusters, dramas, comedies. But while I thrilled as Logan clashed with a giant android in The Wolverine; marvelled at giant robots and their pilots in Pacific Rim, and smiled at the heroes of Kick-Ass 2, I didn't empathise with any of them.

However, rather aptly, The Way, Way Back took me way, way back to being an awkward teenager.

That's one of the few good things about middle age. You can empathise with two generations of characters if they're well defined.

For newcomers it centres on Duncan, a socially awkward 14-year-old who reluctantly goes on summer holiday to a beach house in Cape Cod with mum Pam, her strict boyfriend Trentand his daughter Steph.

At their beach house, we meet boozy neighbour Betty (a scenery-chewing Alison Janney), and her kids, Susanna and Peter.

Could Duncan and Susanna begin an archetypal Summer of '42 style romance? Possibly, but TWWB is about much more.

It's a study in awkwardness, and that gaping hole in a lonely teenager's life desperate to be filled by friends, if not family.

Any teen whose family has been wrecked by divorce should empathise with that huge void caused by a missing dad, brother or both. Basically it sucks, but as a teen it's hard to express how much. 

When Duncan crosses paths with laid back, too-cool-for-school water park manager Owen at the local pizza diner, so begins a beautiful friendship. 

Dad-free teens dream of having a mate as cool as this.

Part big brother, part surrogate father, Owen is one of the year's most beloved characters. 

He has the wit and delivery of Tony Stark, and more than once I thought the sublime Sam Rockwell must be a shoo-in for the part if Robert Downey Jnr either prices himself out of the part or, heaven forbid, retires.

New employee Duncan, and the audience are introduced to the park's assorted workers:Caitlyn, Lewis, and Roddy. For our young hero this is a glorious escape from his unhappy domestic life, suffering the presence of love rat Trent, and his mum's boozy friends.

Storywise I could fill in all the blanks, but this is not a hugely plot-centric movie. What it does is capture that glorious feeling of youth, summer, first love, and charts a character arc that is believable and absorbing.

Despite the presence of Steve Carell and Toni Collette, this is not Little Miss Sunshine 2. Yes it's as charming and watchable, but for me far more rewarding.

AnnaSophia Robb dazzles as obligatory cute neighbour Susanna; Liam James is wonderfully awkward as Duncan, while writer/directors Jim Rash and Nat Faxon also pop up as supporting characters Lewis and Roddy.

The best movies are those you have no expectations of. Those whose trailers promise little, but whose rewards are countless.

I tired of Rash and Faxon-scripted The Descendants, but here they hit a home run. 

The glorious New England backdrops don't hurt a bit either, and by the third act we feel we've breathed the same air as these characters.

Like Life of Pi, The Way, Way Back is that rare film which gets under the skin and lingers for days after. 

Some films, like You're Next (which I saw immediately beforehand) aren't worth the price of admission, but for me this made up for it.

It may not have had the tent pole budget of Iron Man 3 or Star Trek Into Darkness, but this mines a richer seam of humour and drama that should touch a chord with teens and forty somethings alike. 

Highly recommended.

 

You're Next - The Review

In the late 1990s, Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson turned the horror genre on its head with meta serial killer thriller Scream. 

Chances are you know this already because you've seen it. Most people have, but the usual tropes of the genre are more indestructible than Freddie, Jason and Pinhead combined. 

You’re Next, the 2011 low budget stalk-and-slash thriller (finally getting a national release), owes a debt to Scream and countless other genre classics, but I doubt in 10 years filmmakers will be desperate to emulate its scares.

It opens with a couple having sex, so we know they're going to die; there are no actual opening titles as the first victim’s blood spells out the title on a window. 

Then we meet a rich neighbouring family arriving at their remote vacation house. 

Mother Aubrey hears something upstairs and wants to leave. Husband, Paul, investigates, but in one of the best shocks, is startled by his son, Crispian. 

Paul has a few sons, all of them annoying. 

A day later the other offspring and their partners arrive, and during an annoying family row, one of the gathered is shot with a crossbow bolt. 

Despite the windows suddenly being lethal areas, our shocked and stupid protagonists insist on staying as close to them as possible while screaming. A lot. And when there's no screaming, there's that thunderous score turned up to 11. Foghorns blaring at a wake would have been more welcome. 

Aside from that, I'm not sure what was more annoying, the unconvincing acting, zero family dynamic (even for a dysfunctional clan), or weak script. 

However, a John Carpenter-style theme wasn't bad, albeit over-used. 

On the plus side it is laced with dark humour; a wounded victim with a bolt in his back catching it on lethal piano wire was a nice/nasty touch, and death by kitchen appliance helped puncture the tension bubble in the third act. 

For any thriller, credibility is key and this was sorely lacking any because I didn't care about the characters. 

The key twist is obvious when we discover the animal masked killers' motive. However, the third act does claw back some respectability with a flash camera adding fresh licks to the death by strobe cliche, while a door-operated weapon gag tips its hat to A Nightmare on Elm Street. 

Earlier this year The Purge exploited the ’yuppies under siege’ idea more effectively, only that fell apart in the third act. 

This is the reverse, and despite a drawn out finale, and OTT killings by resourceful Aussie heroine Erin (the film’s saving grace, Sharni Vinson), the result is not a complete waste of time. 

With a better cast and some tighter script editing, this could have been something special. 

As it is, You’re Next is just a 90 minute-plus diversion, little more. 

Elysium - The Review

I love good sci-fi movies that are credible and about something. Trouble is most are hampered by stupid scripts, sly winks to camera or bizarre logic twists that let the side down.
For me Elysium is about as good as none-sequel, none comic/game sci-fi epics get these days.
Edgy, epic, rarely dull and stunning to look at.
However, 20 minutes in I wished heroic Max (Matt Damon) would get a break - and not just his arm from a cop droid.
A blue collar worker in a sweaty, decrepit LA, he proved gripping and believable from the word go.

Aside from that injury (for expressing a sense of humour in front of the authorities), he got a lethal dose of radiation and had an exo skeleton bolted onto his body.
By the time Robo Matt appeared I breathed a slight sigh of relief, but knew his ordeal was far from over.

Desperate to reach the eponymous space station and complete a ’vital cerebral info download’ mission, the long suffering Max clashed with psycho South African Kruger (a scenery-chewing Sharlto Copley) and his army of goons, endorsed by one of Elysium’s big cheeses, Delacourt (Jodie Foster).

It's a crying shame that design genius Syd Mead, Richard Taylor and the brilliant Weta crew created a stunning future world, yet Foster’s badly dubbed voice let the side down.
Spaghetti Westerns have had more verbal credibility.

In a pre-screening blog, I’d mentioned I wanted to see something special, and it was. I was even moved a couple of times, partly because the concept of a device that could cure cancer was so desirable, and the scene when medical shuttles are launched to help the sick on Earth left me a tad emotional.
Imagine a world where the ill got the attention they needed, and not just based on their bank balance. A glorious dream.

Elysium is not perfect by any means. Too many slow motion shots; Frey, Alice Braga’s nurse, was compelling, but whenever she repeated the name ’Max’ it grated, and the shaky cam shots were annoying.

But these are small niggles.
Elysium had a broad canvas to fill and did such an admirable job I was left craving another hour, or immediate sequel.
Even the score was great (aside from the Lisa Gerrard/Gladiator/The Insider-style wailing) and kept me in my seat for most of the closing credits.

Okay, the space ring idea is nothing new in sci-fi, having been explored countless times, from Larry Niven’s Ringworld series to the hit game saga Halo (which seems to have dominated my life for the past decade).
However, rarely has it looked so good on the big screen.

The fact writer/director Neill Blomkamp was going to make a movie version of Halo is apparent in several scenes, but in many ways I'm glad that never saw the light of day.
Game adaptations are nearly always disappointing; better to forge something relatively new and create a fresh universe worthy of revisiting than a pale imitation of a button-bashing saga.
Personally I wished the next chapter was already available, with or without Matt.
Elysium is one world well worth returning to.

2 Guns - The Review

Knowing nothing about 2 Guns, the new movie starring Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg, I had no idea if it would be a thriller, drama or comedy. 

It's essentially all three, and for the most part is a lot of fun. 

It opens with criminals Robert Trench (Denzel) and Michael Stigman (Wahlberg) robbing a bank across from a doughnut shop. 

Thrown into the mix are drug lord Papi Greco (Edward James Olmos),  glam love interest Deb Rees (Paula Patton), Naval officer Harold Quince (James Marsden), and the villainous Earl (Bill Paxton). 

What unfolds during the overlong running time is double crosses galore, characters revealing their true identity, Mexican standoffs, and a lot of hilarious banter between the two leads. 

That's when you can understand what Mark Wahlberg is saying.

His dialogue is so quick fire you can barely make it out, but like Denzel he has charisma in abundance. 

Paula Patton lends much needed female sex appeal; Edward James Olmos is reliably creased and weather beaten, while it ticks over at a fair pace.

There were far too many twists and turns, but while the overly complex plot was instantly forgettable, what lingers is the dynamic between the leads. 

A sequel (hopefully with a tighter plot) wouldn't be such an horrendous prospect. 

Cast

Denzel Washington -Robert "Bobby" Trench

Mark Wahlberg - Michael "Stig" Stigman

Paula Patton - Deb Rees

Bill Paxton - Earl

Fred Ward - Admiral Tuwey

James Marsden - Harold "Harvey" Quince

Edward James Olmos - Papi Greco

Robert John Burke - Jessup

Doris Morgado - Daisi

Guardians of the Galaxy

What on Earth is Full Tilt?
Interesting turn of phrase. It's Marvel’s megabucks new fantasy adventure with Karen Gillan.

So, a bit like Dr Who then?
Not quite. She's bald.

Who else is in it?
Glenn Close, Zoe Saldana and apparently Vin Diesel’s voice.

Will it be any good?
Obviously too early to tell. Disney bosses are hoping it does Avengers-style box office numbers to make up for epic Lone Ranger misfire. They also hope it's nothing like John Carter. Another misfire.

Who's directing it?
James Gunn.

Who?
He directed fun, icky B movie Slither a few years ago and comic book inspired Super.

Is he any good?
If you like fun epic B movies.

So, Full Tilt. Interesting title.
We’ll be honest. It's not actually called that.

Really? What's the real title?
Guardians of the Galaxy.

Okay. So Marvel banked millions on a movie few have any interest in?
Yes and no.
The original Guardians of the Galaxy first appeared in Marvel Super-Heroes #18 back in January 1969.

So those are the characters we see in the movie?
Major Vance Astro, Martinex T'Naga, Captain Charlie-27, and Yondu Udonta?
Yes

No. This is based on a revamped version from a few years ago, though we imagine there will be the odd in joke for fans of the original.

So why make a film now?
Avengers proved that space fantasy puts bums on seats in the Marvel universe. And there's less expectation. If it fails, Marvel may blame a lack of audience recognition in the brand and press on with another safe Spider-Man movie after Amazing Spider-Man 2, before rebooting that again.

Will GoG be connected to Avengers?
Yes. Zoe Saldana's character is apparently related to Thanos.

Who?
That purple alien in the closing credits of Joss Whedon's movie that some of the fan boys and girls pretended they knew but didn't.


Why are exotic looking people running across the Millennium Bridge?
We guess its because they're on the run from bad guys.

Not because they're fans of that Harry Potter movie featuring the same bridge?
No. Though maybe they are. We don't know what they watch on their planet.

Will Galaxy chocolate feature in the movie?
We doubt it.

Will a clip be featured in one of those ’cookies’ I sit through the endless credits for.
Most definitely.

When?
Possibly Thor: The Dark World or Captain America: Winter Soldier.

Is this the film with a Raccoon character in it?
Yes.

Sounds a bit daft doesn't it?
Hey, it's a comic book movie. You know, for kids.

Yes, but even so. Is it aimed at five-year-olds?
No. Though we imagine they want to see it.

Can we expect a load more ’out there’ Marvel movies?
Possibly. Now that Iron Man, Spider-Man, Thor and Cap have proved bankable commodities, Marvel are taking a few risks with lesser known material.

So things like classic comics Doctor Strange and a Silver Surfer movie?
We can but hope.

And a proper Fantastic Four film?
Hopefully. That's being rebooted now.

And Howard the Duck?
Don't hold your breath.

Who plays who?
Chris Pratt: Peter Quill/Star-Lord.
Zoe Saldana: Gamora, adopted daughter of Thanos.
Dave Bautista: Drax the Destroyer.
Lee Pace: Ronan the Accuser.
Michael Rooker: Yondu.
Karen Gillan: Nebula.
Djimon Hounsou:Korath.
Benicio del Toro: The Collector.
John C. Reilly: Rhomann Dey.
Glenn Close: Nova Prime.

Now I know all this, will The Big Bang Theory make lots of hip cross references?
Doubtful. Unless Guardians was a DC Comic.

Can I see a clip?
Sure, go here:

http://youtu.be/GMvbPd0R-eE









August 11, 2013, Millennium Bridge London.
If you liked the sight of Millennium Bridge under attack from Dementors, then watch and Marvel as lots of worried folks run across it for their 2014 blockbuster Guardians of the Galaxy.
No sign of a bald Karen Gillan alas.