Transformers. The age of extinction review

"It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever..."

Thirty years ago, Kyle Reese offered those words of warning to heroine Sarah Connor in James Cameron's iconic sleeper hit The Terminator.

Having endured the fourth movie in Michael Bay's Transformers saga, it seems an apt description for a cast iron money-making machine.

The film series can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't fear critics, or logic. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you, dear film goer, stop (paying).

I've sat through the previous movies and was lucky enough to attend the LA premiere ofTransformers: The Ride, so more due to needing a rainy day movie than any desire, I settled down for Bay's latest slice of formulaic adventure.

The usual sights and sounds abounded.

• Heroes running away from huge explosions in slow motion.
• Uber photogenic pouty heroine in short shorts being ogled by the camera.
• Robots ripping each other apart in slow motion.
• Robots transforming to deliver a bit of exposition.
• Characters stating the obvious before enacting said dialogue. "We've got to lose them in this corn field", before, er, motoring through a corn field to try and lose the villains.
• Cool sound effects, with the exception of Mark Wahlberg's laser gun, which sounded like an asthmatic penguin.
• Bay reworking the Armageddon sub-plot - over protective father warming to his prospective son-in-law after bonding over death-defying extra terrestrial threat.
• A seemingly endless final battle so long some punters staggered from the cinema like they'd been stuck on a transatlantic flight.
• A couple of great character actors (Kelsey Grammer and Stanley Tucci) possibly thinking of the cash while adding some depth to the lightweight plot.
• Comedy characters slotted in to add some levity to the explosions. In this case a chubby Jurassic Park/Dennis Nedry-style Brit boffin. Fat guys. Always funny in Producer Steven Spielberg's world.
• Oh, and Optimus Prime's recurring monologues about nobility... having wrecked a couple of major cities. In one scene he rides a Dinobot through a small Chinese wall, despite the fact he could have leapt it or gone round it.

Ah yes. The Dinobots and China. Kids love dinosaurs and robots, so it was a no-brainer we'd get those toys making an appearance in the franchise at some point. 
And with China being such a lucrative market, a third act which sees most of the country levelled was a smart move to keep those overseas cash tills ringing.

The Transformers Ride launch, Universal, LA

How does it rank against the other three films? Well it's possibly the best TF movie since the 2007 original. Long, yes; occasionally incoherent, (Mark Wahlberg seems to ignore full stops in his script), and it features some awful CGI - the enemy robots are made from gravity-defying blocks that appear to have no weight or heft, making them look like a bad video game cut scene.

However, as epic cinema goes, it was never dull. Irritating at times, especially during those obligatory Bay sunset scenes and the attention deficit disorder shots which cut every few seconds. 
(The obsession with super cars was like a feature-length Top Gear challenge, only without the wit. 
Only in a Michael Bay film can a Bugatti Veyron look mundane because of all the other super cars on show).

However, compared to Transformers 2 and 3, this was a slight improvement. A little like a (robot) bull in a slightly classier China shop.

Under the Skin The Review

How much exposition do you need in a film? Those clunky scenes when characters discuss plot, stitching Scene A to Scene B? Obviously film is a visual medium, so in theory nobody needs say anything. 

In Under the Skin, director Jonathan Glazer decides less is definitely more, keeping dialogue to a minimum as Scarlett Johansson’s alluring alien arrives in Scotland and begins patrolling the streets for men. 

In short, it’s Species with A-levels. 

There are bound to be comparisons with Nic Roeg’s the Man Who Fell to Earth, the last time an intelligent, erotic, surreal study of an alien’s arrival on Earth made such an impact. That was almost 40 years ago. 

Since then we've had plenty of alien visitor movies, but many were teen-friendly offerings designed to make pots of cash or satires such as Brother From Another Planet and Morons From Outer Space. 

Glazer had spent a decade developing the movie, distilling the source novel down to its purest form. And the result is disturbing, mesmerising and unforgettable. 

Johansson is terrific in one of the boldest roles of her career. Initially a predatory, blank avatar unaffected by empathy, her visitor merely exists to trap men and use them.

’Why’ would be spoilerific. 

How she does it is part Hellraiser; asking guys back to her dingy house where they are understandably seduced, and then live to regret it. 

Through it all the soundtrack throbs and pulses. The camera largely taking a back seat as we watch the visitor watching the locals, searching for her next target. 

It's as voyeuristic as Rear Window or Blue Velvet, and just as compelling. 

Arguably the best scene involves a loner with “nice hands”, as affecting as anything you've seen all year. It's at this point Johansson’s lethal ET starts to gain a degree of humanity. 

Yes, I could describe more of the plot, who the nice handed character is, and lots more, but better to let the movie wash over you. 

UTS is a haunting, waking dream of a movie. It may have made a modest impact at the cinema, grossing a couple of million dollars in the States alone, but given the limited number of screens it played on, and the arty sensibilities, there's perhaps little wonder. 

Like all cult films, it will prove far more indelible than tent pole movies which dominate the opening weekend box office then vanish without a trace. 

Hopefully we won't have to wait another decade for Glazer’s follow up. He's too great a talent to languish in whatever limbo space ScarJo’s alien was born from. 

 

22 Jump Street. The review

The beauty of 21 Jump Street was it was a movie version of a TV series hardly anyone was desperate to see. 

The only place it could go was up, and was surprisingly hilarious.

So at the start of the sequel, 22 Jump Street, we wonder how much comedy is left to mine from that seam of TV-inspired nostalgia.

Surprisingly there's plenty, not least because the knowing script is happy to poke fun at the fact it's exactly the same plot, only this time set at college instead of school.

Once more, dream team Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are superb as the old school enemies turned rookie cop mates.

In a thrilling opener reminiscent of Beverly Hills Cop, Morton Schmidt (Hill) and Greg Jenko (Tatum) pursue a group of drug dealers led by Ghost (Peter Stormare). 
A truck chase that is both exciting and funny is rare, and this is both.

They fail in spectacular fashion, so Deputy Chief Hardy (the ever brilliant Nick Offerman)sends our heroes across the street to work for Captain Dickson (Ice Cube). Their mission: go undercover as college students and find the drug supplier of "WHYPHY" which killed a student who apparently bought it on campus.

Jenko befriends football players Zook (Wyatt Russell) and Rooster (Jimmy Tatro), while Schmidt falls for art student, Maya (Amber Stevens), much to the annoyance of her grumpy roommate Mercedes (Jillian Bell).

To reveal much more would be spoilerific. Safe to say, nothing is as it seems on campus; there are red herrings aplenty, one literal, while the comic timing is superb.

Having seen it after the woeful A Million Ways To Die in the West, which is often cruel and leaden in its delivery, there's a joy to the energy here.

The film-makers treat the audience with a degree of respect, and even though many of the gags seemed to go over the heads of many teenage cinema goers, for a fan of meta comedy such as Mike Myers' finest works, this was like catnip.

Hill may have dropped the ball with some comedies over the years (The Watch for example), but following his superb turn in The Wolf of Wall Street, here he's terrific as the likeable co-lead, the yin to Tatum's nice but dim yang, Jenko. 
The latter is happy to send himself up, not least with a great in-joke about the wonderfully silly White House Down, while his eventual reaction to a character (spoiler) half way through is comedy gold.

He also looks superb in the breathless action scenes, running, jumping, brawling. Okay, Hillmay be the star when they tour the interview circuit, but Tatum is a genuine movie star when it counts.

This may be a lads' comedy, but the two female co-stars, Amber Stevens and Jillian Bell, are brilliant: the former an even cuter, younger Zoe Saldana-alike; the latter a funnier, youngerMelissa McCarthy-alike. If there's any justice both will be in a possible 23 Jump Street and no doubt plenty of other Hollywood offerings in the coming years.

Superbly helmed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller, two of THE most reliable comedy directors working today, this is the perfect antidote to any spring or summertime blues.

Recommended.

 

Follow Roger Crow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/RogerCrow

The Amazing Spider-man 2. The review

For the most part, The Amazing Spider-man 2 is exactly what you expect: likeable teenager Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) continues to fight crime, while romancing gorgeous girlfriend Gwen Stacey (Emma Stone). 

We have plenty of stunts, shots of Spidey freefalling towards the streets of New York City, and several minutes of him swinging from skyscraper to skyscraper.

In 3-D, it looks fabulous. 

What's far less fabulous, is Jamie Foxx as the geeky underling who eventually becomes Electro: think Watchmen's Dr Manhattan, with clothes and bad monologues. 

His dialogue would have sounded embarrassing in one of those 1960s/1970s Saturday morning cartoons.

If you can gloss over his take on Jim Carrey’s vengeful loser Edward Nygma in Batman Forever, the rest of the movie has a lot going for it.

The relationship between Parker and Stacey is magnetic; Dane DeHaan is fantastic as sick rich boy Harry Osborn, and there are good turns from the likes of a returning Sally Field, Campbell Scott and Chris Cooper.

For the most part it's entertaining stuff, but I was yearning before a sucker punch moment that director Marc Webb supplied with his first Spidey movie (the cranes scene), or Sam Raimi with the original Spider-Man 2 years ago (Aunt May’s packing up speech).

Thankfully TASM2’s third act takes some unexpected twists and turns, but those expecting to see a lot of Paul Giamatti as Rhino in the major clash promised by the extensive adverts will be sorely disappointed.

(Think The Underminer scene from The Incredibles, and you get the idea).

As good as Andrew Garfield is as the eponymous Web Slinger, it's Emma Stone who steals the show.

She has more substance than Kirsten Dunst’s Mary Jane Watson in the original trilogy, and actually helps our hero instead of screaming a lot in the third act.

It's also refreshing that Spidey doesn't lose his mask every half an hour like in the Raimi movies.

So, not a perfect movie by any means, but thanks to that third act, Foxx’s earlier sins are (almost) redeemed. 

Transcendence. The review.

I wanted to like Transcendence more than I did.

The directorial debut of Christopher Nolan's favourite cinematographer, Wally Pfister, it boasted a top drawer cast and a great idea.

After all, any movie with Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, Morgan Freeman, Cillian Murphy and Paul Bettany have to be worth a look, didn't it?

The tale of an assassinated computer genius who becomes a digital avatar/Godlike figure was pretty heady stuff. But while the tale unfolded intriguingly, it went nowhere fast.

Too many tracking shots of solar panels does not a great thriller make.

The special effects are pretty good, the performances are all top-notch and the script isn't bad either.

While I am all for sci-fi thrillers that are more cerebral than explosive, this was anti-climactic.

And that may be the main reason it underperformed in the states.

It's bound to attract a cult following on DVD and Blu-ray, but I doubt many people will be desperate for a second viewing on the big screen.

Frozen - The Review

“DO YOU WANT SOME MALTESERS?” yells the large woman behind me, either oblivious to the fact she's sat in a cinema addressing her ankle-biter or couldn't care less about the audience around her. 

I'm trying to watch Frozen, the latest CGI masterpiece from the Disney stable. Their 53rd animated offering is a polished, fun reworking of a Hans Christian Andersen tale The Snow Queen. 

The witty script is peppered with interruptions from the human foghorn, broadcasting her thoughts to the whole of Cineworld on an aptly chilly January afternoon. 

Thankfully Frozen is good enough to withstand such interruptions. The tale of Elsa, a cursed princess who can create frost and ice opens with her exile after temporarily harming her sister, Anna. 

As the years fly by, and the siblings adjust to life without their late parents, the duo clash again when the ice princess kicks off over Anna's shotgun engagement. 

Elsa goes off and builds an ice palace (like Dr Manhattan’s crystalline Mars base in Watchmen), while the curse of her icy wrath wreaks havoc on her empire.

Thrown into the mix are Olaf, a cute snowman; ice expert  (and potential love interest) Kristoff, and his reindeer, Sven. 

They attempt to melt the ice princess’s chilly heart and restore order to the kingdom. 

Of course nothing quite goes to plan. 

Frozen looks terrific (I saw the 2D version), boasts great songs (Let It Go belted out by the peerless Idina Menzel is an instant classic), and features some witty touches. 

Olaf impaled on an icicle made me laugh out loud, mainly because those subversive touches that fly in the face of usual Disney touches linger longer. 

The fact I enjoyed it as much as I did considering the unwelcome audience commentary was proof of how good it was. 

I'd like to see it again, preferably without the ad libbed surround sound. 

Thor: the Dark World review

A bearded hero with a magical weapon on a planet of noble warriors clashes with an army of masked, laser-blasting invaders. 

Thirty years ago Krull, a British mash-up of sub-Tolkien mythology and Star Wars-style effects was launched on an unsuspecting world. 

Alas, the hero was rather bland, the cheap effects a bit rubbish (even for ’83), and the likes of pre-Eastenders Todd Carty, post-Carry On Bernard Bresslaw and a badly dubbed Lysette Anthony failed to make the project fly. 

Fast forward to now, and in Thor: the Dark World, a bearded hero with a magical hammer on a planet of noble warriors clashes with an army of masked, laser-blasting invaders. Only this time Marvel (with a far greater budget admittedly) hit the blockbuster nail squarely on the head.  

Chris Hemsworth is so perfectly cast as the eponymous Asgardian warrior it's hard to imagine anyone else filling those boots. The slightest smirk creates screen gold. (The god of thunder and charisma might be more on the money). 

With a snazzy new Marvel logo, Thor 2 hits the ground running with an epic battle, and escalates from there. 

Fans of the original should revel in the scale; director Alan Taylor exploits the skills learned on Game of Thrones to craft a 12A-friendly epic, hammering the various plot strands together to form a fun, frantic, dark, occasionally moving yarn. 

Anthony Hopkins can be annoying when phoning in his performances, but here adds gravitas as Odin; ’One Broke Scientist’ Kat Dennings delivers comic relief as Natalie Portman's sexy assistant Darcy; Idris Elba is given more screen time as gate keeper Helmdal, and the Warriors Three also return from film one.

As ever, Tom Hiddleston chews chunks of scenery as Loki; aside from Robert Downey Jnr’s Tony Stark, few actors are as funny or mischievous in the Marvel universe. 

(A Thor movie without Loki is as pointless as a Spider Man flick without Peter Parker). 

Rounding out the regulars are Stellan Skargard as boffin Erik Selvig, still a bit bonkers after being possessed in Avengers. 

Christopher Eccleston is on good form as the malevolent big bad Malekith, spouting Elvish dialogue, while his ship is gloriously ominous and aptly hammer-like. 

Assembling the multi-film plot strands from Thor and Assemble, this is huge fun. 

There's little doubt Marvel have mastered the modern blockbuster, melding great heroes, villains and effects with the brio of the original Star Wars and JJ’s Star Trek. 

Okay, Thor 2.0 is not perfect. Portman looks gorgeous, but her character is too wholesome and sadly a bit dull. Maybe thunder-wielding Gods need partners that are safe and yawnsome. 

I'd rather have seen Thor romance Darcy or Asgard squeeze Sif. (The latter’s sub-plot sadly goes nowhere fast, but may pay off in Thor 3). 

However, seen at midnight in 3D D-Box, TTDW was a pre-Hallowe’en treat. 

It also made me delighted that as a forty something, I lived long enough to see the comic heroes of my youth given the big screen epics they deserve.

Stay tuned for a couple of cracking credit cookies; the final one is rewarding and hilarious. 

Roll on Captain America: Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man, and let's hope we don't have to wait an age for the inevitable Dr Strange, Sub-Mariner and Silver Surfer movie. 

 

Gravity - The Review

A few things will happen while watching Gravity. 

Your palms will become sweaty, then they'll start seeking comfort at the sides of your face. That’s possibly because your breathing will become shallow. This is not the sort of film you can ignore. 

Essentially a two-hander between Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, it charts the aftermath of a disastrous space walk from their shuttle, ravaged by debris. 

The opening 13 minute, one take shot is among the best ever created. 

Orson Welles would have clapped; Martin Scorsese and Brian DePalma either applauded or sulked because director Alfonso Cuaron has aptly raised the bar to orbital levels. 

What Bullock and Clooney do next will not be revealed here. Safe to say what unfolds during the 90 minute running time is an assault course of wires, pipes, machinery and one character's desire to survive. 

The sight of Bullock floating foetus-like in a window is one of the year’s most memorable. 

Sandra has been a favourite actress for 20 years, but has never looked more beautiful, possibly because she is the softest looking protagonist against a sea of tech. Her desire to survive against any odds is also a magnetic attraction. 

George is also hugely appealing. His cocky, charismatic veteran astronaut is wonderfully watchable, though i imagine the endless wire work must have been a pain during the movie’s four year production. 

Some films squander 3D but this makes the most of it, exploiting the medium beautifully. The sound, if heard in the right theatre, is also superb. NASA chatter adds the right audio tone from the off, while Ed Harris’ voice is a great, comforting shorthand for anyone raised on classic NASA epics The Right Stuff and Apollo 13. 

Some of you may wait for Blu Ray or DVD, but this is one of those films that demands the best full-on cinema experience you can find. 

Gravity is little short of a masterpiece. If Sandra Bullock doesn’t get another Oscar, and Cuaron at least a nomination for Best Director, there is going to be some serious gnashing of teeth among the movie-loving community. 

See it... but don’t forget to breathe.